Olise, 24, is reportedly keen on a move to the Bernabéu, but Bayern have no intention of granting him an exit this summer.
"There are no concerns about that at all. I laughed myself silly," Hoeness told Bild. "I checked how long his contract runs: another three years.
"That's absolutely not a topic for me. The Emperor of China himself could come knocking and we wouldn't even talk to him."
The mood around Harry Kane, 33, is far calmer. Bayern Munich want to extend the striker's contract, which currently runs to 2027, and the early signs point toward an agreement.
"I haven't spoken to Harry directly about this, but I hear he feels great in Munich. We feel great with him too, and there's really no reason he should leave next year," Hoeness said, adding that Kane's value goes beyond his goalscoring: "Not just because of his goals and his style of play, but also as a personality."
More contentious is the situation around Luis Díaz, 29, who has attracted interest from Saudi club Al Hilal and could fetch up to €130m in a sale. Hoeness was equally dismissive of that possibility.
"Why would we? We'd have to be out of our minds. You spend €60 or 70 million, maybe get €120 million back, and then you're chasing after other players you have no idea how they'll perform for you. We're in the fortunate position of having the best trio in the world in Díaz, Kane and Olise."
He also pointed to the potential of new signing Ismael Saibari to further strengthen the attack: "And the new player from Morocco will certainly add to that too. We'd have to be out of our minds to even think about selling one of them."
Hoeness, never one to shy away from strong language, has once again gotten ahead of himself in his choice of words. In these particular cases, though, there is little reason to think Bayern will deviate from the position he has laid out this summer.